morning coffee // There’s Something in the Water

I can’t drink from the water cooler anymore. There’s something in it.

morning coffee // Everyone is Dead, Maybe, Possibly

I don’t mean to complain. I’m not complaining. I’m not a complainer, per se, but I’ve been the only team member to consistently show up to work for over three weeks. 

morning coffee // My Notebook’s Trying to Warn Me

Someone’s sending me messages after hours, I think. 

morning coffee // Bill Gets Burned Alive

I burned Bill today.

WITP // Stop Eulogizing the Living.

The following post contains misquotes and inaccuracies. I have the correct statements scattered somewhere around this office, but I don’t feel like looking them up. I’m not sorry. Deal with it.

morning coffee // Bill Gets a Haircut

I gave Bill a haircut today. Now he’s bigger than ever.

morning coffee // A Third Inexplicable Leaf

Bill, my desk plant, keeps growing. He won’t stop growing. Dear God, make him stop growing.

morning coffee // What I Saw at the Top

It was a snug fit, but I managed to pull myself up from the bottom of the lunch box. 

morning coffee // What I Saw at the Bottom

“Hello,” I said. “I bet you weren’t expecting to find me here.” I wasn’t. 

morning coffee // The Hole at the Bottom of my Lunch Box

How much time passes at the bottom of a lunch box? Minutes? Hours? None at all?